A Very Practical Application of Grammar: In Vs. On

**DISCLAIMER: Yet another bodily functions blog. Sorry, it's a pretty big part of my life. **

Life is never boring here. I've recently embarked on my least favorite part of childhood: potty training. All of my kids seem to have huge mental blocks when it comes to this very necessary transitional part of life and of course it frustrates me to no end. But also provides me with exceptionally funny stories to torture my children with. In advance: sorry kids.

Diaper Bombs

So young, so adorable, so untrainable

Ellie absolutely refused to potty train until she was over 4 years old and I was literally at my wits end. I was convinced that the child was never ever going to give up diapers. Every single day was a battle for us. I tried crying, begging, threatening, pleading, bribing, cajoling... nothing had an effect. I read books, I had nice long talks, I tried multiple tactics, the child just happened to like her diapers. And if anyone else has had to change a 4 year old's diaper, I feel for you. Bush was looking for WMD's in the wrong place, they were right there in my kid's pants. I told her that I hoped that man that she married was quite ok with changing her diapers because I was pretty she was gonna walk down the aisle wearing them.

And then, one miraculous day, she decided that she was done with diapers and was potty trained overnight. And lo, there was much rejoicing in the land.

Grammar lessons: In Vs. On

Picture of innocence

A few months ago Maya showed signs of being ready to potty train. I was NOT going to have another 4 year old in diapers and I figured I might as well give it a go. Amidst much fanfare, we purchased her first potty chair and big girl pants. Operation Potty Training had officially commenced. The first time Maya sat on the potty chair she accidentally managed to pee on it, immediately freaked out and demanded a diaper. The fact that it wasn't contained in a soggy diaper apparently was too much for her little mind to handle. Ever since that day, she has equated the potty chair with "naked sitting time" and when she actually has to go, she demands that the diaper be put back on. She can't quite comprehend that when you sit on the potty chair you actually have to put something IN it. She also discovered that the potty makes a perfect step stool and I routinely find both her and the potty chair in forbidden areas.

Yesterday we reached a whole new low in the potty arena. My friend Rachel and I were sitting in the living room having a very pleasant and non bodily function related conversation. I could hear the sounds of both Ellie and Maya playing in the bathroom. At this point, I was not alarmed because they actually seemed to be getting along and so far no horrific screams had issued forth from that direction. No sooner had I voiced that thought than screams of horror came from the bathroom. Maya came padding out into the living room. She was stark naked and was leaving little wet foot prints behind here. My heart sank.

She proudly announced, "I pee pee ON potty chair".
Ellie shouted from the bathroom, "Mooommmmm. Maya peed ON my underwear!!!!!!!!!"
My friend Rachel giggled, "I am SO glad I'm here to see this"

Guilty as charged

I hesitantly headed back to the bathroom (taking special care to avoid the suspicious footprints) and was greeted by a horrific potty training crime scene. Ellie was stranded on the toilet. There was a heap of soaked clothes on the floor (as well as the useless discarded diaper).

And there was pee. All.the.way.up.the.walls.

Apparently my enterprising little potty trainee had divested herself of her clothing and stood on her potty chair in order to reach the sink. While she was happily splashing in the water, nature called and she readily answered, all over my nice clean floor (of course I had scrubbed that bathroom the day before). Maya was quite correct, she did pee ON the potty chair, with the lid closed. And judging by the enormous amount of liquid splashed all over my bathroom, it had been quite a while since she had done so. It looked like the Niagara Falls had just peed in my bathroom.

I went into Super Mommy Mode (something about pee everywhere really gets the adrenaline flowing.).  Maya was boxed into a corner to avoid further unsanitary footprints. Ellie was given fresh clothes. The Lysol and paper towels made an appearance and were applied liberally to every visible surface. And Maya was unceremoniously dumped into the shower and hosed down.

Once everyone was reasonably disinfected and I had gulped down a large cup of coffee, I was able to see the humor in it. Ha. ON the potty chair. Needless to say, I will be supervising the children's bathroom time a bit more closely. We will also be reinforcing the important concept of IN vs. ON. I guess 8th grade grammar was pretty important after all.  I also have a feeling Operation Potty Training will continue to be a rather long and arduous process again. God help me, I still have to potty train Kiki too.

Ah, the horrors!